My 3 lessons heading into the 3rd pregnancy

With each pregnancy, I learned something new: how overmedicated births have become, how important proper nutrition and non-toxic environment both pre- and post-labour is, that the intoxicating newborn smell will get you through the 2-hour intervals of sleep or less, that I have unresolved issues with my inner child. I’ve also learned about love. A colossal amount of love. In short, it seems that with each birth a new me was born as well. 

I’ve also accumulated a massive amount of guilt for the things I should’ve done differently the first time around. But I’m working on forgiving myself. Slowly.

Most of all, I’m so immensely happy and grateful for the privilege to experience this cycle again! I thought I’d share some key learnings that I’m carrying with me into the third pregnancy – in case they resonate with you as well: 

1. Choose the birth YOU’d like to experience.

We’ve somehow become accustomed to believe that we are not doing it ”right” if we are not confined to the boundaries of an institution. We are born and sadly oftentimes die at a hospital. In between we are incorporated in nurseries, schools, universities and working places. I birthed Theodore at home right into the hands of my husband. It was pure magic compared to my first birth when unfamiliar faces regularly popping in and out of the hospital room against the background of fluorescent lights made me feel I was at a train station rather than a place that welcomed a new life. Homebirths are not for everyone. But neither are hospital births. Do your research before listening to anyone about what you ”should” do.

2. Pregnancy is not a disease.

Prenatal care has grown into a massive business. Expectant mothers are shuffled from countless ultrasounds to amniocentesis, tests for gestational diabetes etc with little room to reflect whether every bit of the system really works for the best of them and their babies. I’ve met few obstetricians that really take the time to hear how you feel beyond the protocol. On the other hand, they will be quick to design their preferred birth plan for you: pitocin induction followed by abnormal contractions leading to an epidural and then likely resulting in either labour that ”lasts too long” or baby that gets distressed during the process making unplanned ”emergency c-section” the only option. Trauma created during this process is swept under the carpet with ”be happy the baby is fine” while you are left with a cut as deep as the feeling that both you and your baby have been robbed of a sacred experience. Don’t be afraid to question the inner workings of the healthcare system. 

3. Trust yourself.

Once you become a mother, everyone around you seems to get an opinion about how you should raise your baby. I’ve learned to gradually shut them off – for the sanity of myself and therefore wellbeing of my kids. Have faith in your capacity to provide your baby with the best possible care. Like the generations of mothers before you have. Google doesn’t know best how much your baby should eat, sleep or poop. You do. 

Love,

Milda